As a human, a life coach and a therapist, compassion has always been woven into witnessing and being present with others. Where I often found it missing was with myself, but when I began the exploration of my internal world to purposefully cultivate a relationship with myself I had to wonder where was the self-compassion? So, this month of mindfulness we focus on compassion.
When it comes to meeting my own needs with compassion, I often found it difficult! I would have an intellectual part of me telling me to not to be such a baby and act like an adult. I had another part that didn’t feel confident in asking for what I needed, hence I should be rejected. I had a self-critical part berating me for being so upset over something so minor, I had a rebellious part wanting to tell others to f*%# off and leave me alone. I’ve been an expert at self-criticism, self-sabotage, self-judgment and self-doubt most of my life.
Can you relate at all?
I know, it sounds pretty crazy inside me! Yet, we all have an inner world that virtually feels like a crowded convention hall sometimes……. parts of us that get triggered, hurt, disappointed, forgotten, banished, distressed, traumatized and abandoned or polarized parts that fight each other! And we end up not even knowing what we need.
When I started to listen mindfully to my wounded, hurt parts I discovered a whole new relationship with myself. I learned that there were very young parts, adolescent parts and rebellious parts that never got what they needed long ago and were burdened with still searching for “it” even now as an adult.
What is “it” you ask?
Compassion, to be seen, to be understood, to be loved unconditionally, to be accepted, to be connected and validated.
You see, it’s so easy to throw ourselves into caring for the needs of those around us and many of us are quite skilled at such a gift. We channel our inner desires to be cared for by caring for others and this can be a beautiful thing when coming from a true connection to one’s own heart. We often instinctively know what others need.
Our mirror neurons fire wildly when we contact another’s pain and difficulty and through that reflection with another, we know the right expression of comfort, kindness and consolation.
Can you offer yourself the same compassion?
I have to say it’s quite worth the effort to travel within and witness your own wounded parts and discover what they need, then offer them compassion. It’s amazing how quiet they become when they’ve been heard and witnessed and know their needs will be met from the inside by a compassionate heartfelt Self.
In Gratitude, Pam