A Year of Mindful Living - February Curiosity

Curiosity became my secret weapon years ago when I finally got tired of my own behavior. I found myself reacting to just about anything that frustrated me, in a manner that made me wonder who had taken over my body! I made a vow to myself, after way too many embarrassing scenarios, to learn how to respond instead of reacting to people, situations and opinions that seemed to trigger me.

What I noticed is that I was reacting in the same manner as the reactive and often scary home life I grew up in. I didn’t want to be like that, by nature I’m a pretty quiet natured introverted person and I realized I was playing the role I had learned when interacting with the world. It was not who I was.

So, I began the journey first of harnessing my reactivity to the outer world. Observing how as I changed my energy with others, their energy changed also. What a revelation! Changing the energy, I brought to the world, changed my interactions with life! I felt more like me, glimpses of who I truly was, called me to follow my curiosity even further.

Although I experienced wonderful energetic changes occurring in my interactions with the external world, my internal dialog toward myself was reactive, judgmental, cruel, mean and downright the opposite of who I now knew myself to be.

This actually became another opportunity for me to practice curiosity with these parts of me that were often relentless!

As I asked curious questions of these strong loud parts I came to understand why they were working so hard at protecting me. They were afraid I would stumble, miss out, make a mistake, not do it perfectly, out of fear I would fail and all they actually was wanted the best for me. My heart understood with compassion their intentions, however we began the long continuous inner dialog of finding a better way to work as a team together. I began to feel more balanced, more peaceful more myself than ever before.

I’m not perfect, I’m human and often fall back into old patterns when fear is triggered. Those times, I’m happy to say, are very short lived and not frequent. I like to view them as reminders to continue curious attention to be truly Self lead. As Aristotle reminds us, “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.”

This month, cultivate your curiosity, ask questions even if you think you know the answers, see how your energy shifts. You may learn something new about others and yourself.

In Gratitude,

Pam

mean and downright the opposite of who I now